I'm not going to answer that question. Let's move along.

From the Erie Times-News. As our school board's policy committee considers the district's bullying policy, as required under new Pennsylvania state law, we have to consider this question: If a school board president is the one of the worst bullies in the district, is he subject to the same provisions and punishments as the teachers, staff, and students?

Take that, big bully.

By LINDSEY POISSON
Published: September 04. 2008 12:01AM

They don't have to say a word. They don't even have to be in the same room.

Bullies can appear anytime, anywhere -- and do any number of hurtful things.

And when they do, it takes a toll.

"It's really hard. It lowers your self confidence," said Ian Pertz, an eighth-grader at St. Luke School in the Catholic Diocese of Erie. "Say you had a test that day; you might do worse just because of the mood you're in. You feel bad.

"You just don't want to do anything. You want to go home and stick your face in a pillow."

As students head back to class and get to know each other more, they might start to notice that some kids just don't get along -- both in and out of school. What seems like typical gossiping or mean behavior is actually bullying.

"Most kids inherently know what's right and wrong, but they might not know the fancy definition," said Mary Baird, president and chief executive of the Ophelia Project, an Erie-based organization that helps students who've experienced nonphysical forms of aggression.

The stereotypical idea of a thuglike bully beating up poor defenseless students for their lunch money really isn't the norm anymore. Bullies come in any gender, any race and in every size and shape.

And they can bully others in any number of ways.

"There are kids who are bullied that don't know they're bullied," said Danny Jones, student assistant programs coordinator for the Erie School District. "From the taunting, picking and choosing, to exclusion to cyberbullying -- it takes all forms."

Although some physical bullying still exists, most of what experts, school officials and students see are more subtle, mental and emotional methods of bullying.

Giving the silent treatment.
Spreading a rumor.
Laughing at someone, not with them.
Ignoring or excluding a single student.

Bullying, by definition, has three key aspects: Willful harm, repetition and a power imbalance. If bullying occurs on the Internet or through electronic means, it's known as cyberbullying.

Most often, students who are considered "bullies" aren't really horrible kids, Jones said. They just don't know how to handle certain situations any other way.

"None of this is a blame thing," he said. "It's not that your kid is bad because he's a bully -- it's (that) he's showing bullying behavior."

The goal, experts and school officials say, is to help those who bully and are bullied alike.

A new Pennsylvania state law, passed in July, requires all public schools to create or amend a student-conduct policy regarding bullying, and charges an individual within the school with taking complaints and reports of bullying incidents.

Most area schools, including Erie public schools and St. Luke, already have a policy in place and focus on awareness and prevention. The Ophelia Project, which deals with "relational aggression" involving bullying through peer and other relationships, helps local students in a number of ways, including mentor counseling. Its new pilot program will teach teachers and students about cyberbullying.

"Cyberbullying has skyrocketed in the last 10 years," Baird said. "It's incredible. There's just so much going (on) in the area of technology. It happens outside the school, but what happens is it walks in school with the kid the next day."

Schools might have little to no control over it -- especially when comments or messages on Facebook, MySpace and other social networking sites are made beyond school grounds. But sometimes comments made through text messages and online chats lead to fights at school, Baird said.

Parry Aftab, a cyberbullying expert and director of the world's largest Internet safety group, WiredSafety, said mostly high school students use this method of bullying. It could mean harassment through Web sites or stealing passwords and posing as someone else.

Students might not even see it as "bullying," because of the frequency. People think "it's just something that happens, (it's) the price of using technology," Aftab said.

"Size doesn't matter, and they can hide behind fake identities," she said. "It's revolutionizing things because it's faster and everyone can play. The people who are doing it aren't the traditional bullies, they're the traditional victims."

Although it's important for schools to fight bullying, it's also up to parents to establish a dialogue with their children.

Becky Bargielski, an eighth-grader at St. Luke School, 425 E. 38th St., knows that some students might not feel comfortable telling an adult about bullying -- especially if they're afraid of possible retaliation from a bully.

Not saying anything, however, probably won't help.

"I could go to my parents and if it was that bad they would say something to the principal, if I couldn't," she said. "Some of the students aren't as close to their parents as I am. They might not tell anybody."

By talking with children about bullying and what it means, parents can start and build on that conversation, said Charisse Nixon, developmental psychologist at Penn State Behrend, who also works with the Ophelia Project.

"The more silent it remains, the longer it's going to build in that child," she said. "Don't minimize it. Give your kids the language to talk about it."

LINDSEY POISSON can be reached at 870-1871, or by e-mail.

What to do
Students: You have the right to not be bullied. Although it's difficult to remember when you're toe to toe with a bully, there are ways to get through the situation.

"You need to stand up for yourself. You really do," says Becky Bargielski, an eighth-grader at St. Luke School.

# Confide in a teacher, parent or trusted adult.

Perhaps the biggest fear students have is that if they tell, the situation will get worse for them. But not doing something could be just as bad. If bullying persists, it makes students miserable and things could even escalate. Adults can only help if they know what's happening, and most try to keep the names of those bullied out of it.

# Keep your cool.

"You have to try to ignore it and act like it's not affecting you," says Ian Pertz, an eighth-grader at St. Luke School. "You have to try to stand straight up and then go to a teacher and tell them. If you show that you're getting hurt by them, then they'll just keep doing it." But the key is to also do something about it: Be sure to tell an adult.

# Try a little kindness.

Pertz and Bargielski say kids who bully sometimes are going through problems at home or give in to peer pressure. If you show them a little understanding and kindness, they might realize they don't have to bully to get it.

# Tell a trusted friend.

"I have close friends that if something's bothering me, and I don't feel comfortable going to a teacher, maybe I can ask them and they can go to a teacher for me," Bargielski said. But beware. Sometimes, especially with younger children, friendships change and certain friends who've been trusted with personal information might end up becoming bullies, too, St. Luke School's guidance counselor Jessica Bengel said.

# If you see it happening to someone else, do something.

Talk to that person or tell a teacher. Sometimes innocent bystanders who've witnessed incidents can feel bullied themselves, said Mary Baird, president and chief executive of the Ophelia Project. But these same people have a lot of power to do something about the situation, Bengel said.